Quantum Healing



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These days I'm sending out a weekly email of hopefully useful, seasonal articles to help navigate the emotional year.

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By cwhyte, May 17 2020 09:03PM

With the exception of a few delightful interactions, the last couple of weeks have seen me feeling low. Tired, demotivated, isolated and really rather bleak, at least by my usual standards.

I smiled as I had to remind myself, using the exact same words I say to clients, that there is no competition, and no way to meaningfully measure my experience to anyone elses.

As you can imagine, all mental health lows in my home are treated to rigorous Cognitive Analysis. However it took my Twitter feed to remind me that this period of my pandemic experience isn't simply a plateau path, where all I have to to is keep putting one foot in front of the other to get to the end or even better to get to the free wheeling downhill rush that I'm yearning for.

This period is, in fact, what cyclists call a false flat. It's a deceptive, slow, uphill climb.

As parked cars covered the grass verges by the Cheddar lakes today, and the Fishponds High St was almost as busy on Friday afternoon as it usually is on Thursday lunchtime, my eyes are telling me that 'Things are beginning to return to normal'.

The statistics are telling me that here in the UK 2000 people are still dying with Covid19 every week and that nothing is as normal.

My turn around moment was realising that, emotionally speaking, this false flat means that I have a new framework through which to view my slump. Accepting that I have no control over whether I am in the middle or nearing the end of my pandemic experience; that, despite the evidence of my eyes, normal could be far enough away as to not be worth thinking about; means that I'm now able to once again give myself permission to stop, to take things easy and to pace myself, just as I did at the beginning.

Having done this, (changing my viewpoint) as always, everything seems more manageable and pleasant. Which is a relief I'm relishing.

By cwhyte, Jul 8 2019 09:51AM

As ever, I've had a timely reminder from clients this month, that the not-so-simple statement:

You are full of love and are loveable, can be a hard pill to take. Turns out, we don't all feel full of love and/or loveable...would you believe it, I add wryly.

Permit me this digression:

I tend to advise clients to steer clear of repeating these 'positive' statements to themselves in an attempt to make them stick; mantra's like: I deserve love, I am good enough, I'm successful.

These statements are little combustion engines waiting to be infused with the weight of the personal meaning that we bring to them. We say the statement, it causes a spark of emotional reaction.

If that reaction is in anyway pleasant then we're golden.

If that emotion is one of disbelief or discomfort, what is actually getting affirmed is the conviction that the opposite is true: I don't deserve love, I'm not good enough, I'm not successful. Then the engine of belief ticks over as the statements are repeated.

Since the major part of my job is removing meaning from words and statements made a lifetime ago, I will never tire of saying: If you don't believe it, don't say it again.

Meanwhile, back on topic....

If you read the Solstice post and got caught at that statement, you maybe felt it didn't sit comfortably with you, or felt alien, then change it.

Try: I have the capacity to be full of love and be loveable.

If still no: I have the potential to one day be full of love and be loveable.

No? : I am who I am, and that's the same for everyone.

As always, if you have struggled with anything mentioned above, then please know that you can call, message or email me for a telephone or Skype appointment because you really do deserve to deserve love, you really are good enough and only you can measure your success, because only you know how far you've come.

By cwhyte, Jun 10 2019 06:18PM

Like the Winter Solstice, this is a time for reflection and day dreaming. It's our longest day, our shortest night, with the strength of the Summer yet to come and yet it marks the start of the waning of the year. Because of this, focusing on healing that is transformational rather than cleansing is super effective.

In December I urged you dream your future into being. This time of year can be too dazzling for dreaming. Instead, now is a time to see ourselves clearly, to let the brightest light shine on ourselves and to be brave in allowing ourselves reflection with total honesty. Litha is a time of transformation.

Over the coming week, make time to be alone with your thoughts. It doesn't need to be long, just 20 minutes will do. Drink water, get comfortable- or walk if you prefer.

For the first couple of minutes just focus on your breathing for a short while. This is simple meditation. Don't worry if thoughts keep cropping up, set them aside for a short time and just think about breathing in and out.

When you feel ready, let yourself think about something that you're working on, a project or goal. You might be saving for something, studying or learning something new, trying to have a child, working toward a job or promotion, getting fitter; or you may be aiming at just coping with daily life, facing the end of something difficult, grieving, waiting for feelings of happiness to return. Whatever you're working on, turn your attention to it and ask yourself: Do the things I do really help me get where I'm going?

Return to the breathing exercise whenever you need to refocus, then when you're ready ask yourself: Is this goal still what you want to do?

Not what you are supposed to do, or what you have to do, is this what you want? It might be that you started down this path some time ago and situations have altered and you find that, no the course you are on, no longer fits you. It may be that, yes you are still committed. You may even realise that you just don't know.

In that instant of acknowledging yes, no , I don't know, you will have felt a spark of emotion and this is the key to this exercise.

Whether you are relieved, glad, sad, angry or dismayed; just sit with it a moment.

Know that you are allowed to feel that way. Know that our emotions are connected to our story and act as flags to make us aware of our truest beliefs.

Know that you are here, in this position, because of your actions and reactions to everything life has thrown at you. You've earned the right to feel the way you do.

If you feel shame it is because you care, if you feel angry it's because you care, if you feel relief it is because you care for and value yourself.

You are full of love and are loveable.

As you finish up with more breathing focus, let the sun and heat soak in (or the cool breeze if you prefer), know that you are loved and accepted. Know it like you know how to breathe. Feel yourself wrapped in a cocoon blanket of love. Imagine your favourite soft drink or food, promise yourself that next time you drink it you'll remember this feeling of love and drink that in with it.

Think again about your path. How do you feel now about your decision?

The two Solstices are transformational times. They are also time for community and being with people who return our love and respect. I urge you now to call some people, get together, talk about your choices and celebrate the season. Be fearless. You will find that the more you get used to expressing your truth, the easier it becomes to be heard.

By cwhyte, Dec 11 2018 12:03AM

I've been reminded of the oxygen mask analogy today. the one where we're told to put on our own oxygen mask on first, before we can help anyone else.

"All these things and more, that's what Christmas means to me my love," The Stevie Wonder song is playing through my mind on a loop.

I was reminded tonight about the importance of listening to myself, and now that I am listening (thank you Stevie), my body and mind have been shouting STOP for a good couple of weeks now.

It's easy to get tired, overstretched and strained at any big holiday or birthday, as we struggle to reconcile the dream of 'perfection' in our head with the reality of our circumstances. Whether it's a religious or secular festival, if it's 'supposed' to be 'wonderful' and we feel we are carrying other peoples expectations on our shoulders, it's going to be hard going.

This year I'm feeling that I need to make new Christmas traditions, now that we're one person down. It's also very likely to be the last year our youngest child thinks of Christmas in THAT special and lovely way.

I've been steering the festive ship close to the wind and I've just realised, I'm knackered. It's time to stop, put the oxygen mask on by going out in nature, digging in the garden and being alone for a while. When I'm re oxygenated I'll look into delegating and scaling back and making the next few weeks enjoyable for me too.

And that's a new tradition I can really get behind.

By cwhyte, Mar 18 2018 10:08AM

We all have a story with our Mother. Having no Mother doesn't except us. The stories are as varied as a patchwork quilt, as we are, and we all have our story.

Many of us are defined by these stories in clear ways or in ways that we don't easily acknowledge. Everyone has had a Mother. Even when we step away from our stories the story remains, we just become less engaged in the story.

At this time of year I like to re-read, and dip into Clarissa Pinkola Estes, I like her definitions of mothers.

I agree with her thoughts that none of us need a perfect Mother just a good enough Mother.

So what if you have a 'not enough' or a 'too much' mother, what if yours was 'good enough' or perfect for you, eventually we all need to become our own Mothers; and our own Fathers too.

How do we even do that?

One method that I absolutely love is the blanket.

Picture the archetypal Mother, the Mother every baby deserves: Strength, full of love, giving, nurturing. Hold the image or feeling that you get for each word. If any of those give you discomfort take a second to think why then let them go and replace them with other Positive definitions, leave no place for discomfort or unpleasantness, you're aiming for feelings of security, being held, boundless love.

If your experiences with your own mother fall away from the archetype, then look to your relationships with others who have provided you with that experience, for some this may be the love and care you have given to a child. You deserve the same for yourself.

For each sensation, imagine that you have made or been given a patchwork square, it could have a picture, a pattern, words, sounds, anything that resonates with you. Connect your squares so they start to form a small blanket. Make it as big as you can, it doesn't really matter if it's just a facecloth.

It's your gift to yourself from the mother in you to the child in you. Whenever you feel inclined, summon up those yummy feelings and add more squares to your imaginary blanket until you can just sit with it wrapped around you feeling all that love and care whenever you need it , in the way you need it.

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